1) Did you know that there are 6 stages in the cycle of abuse? Every abuser goes through these stages…at their own individual pace.The stages are the set-up, the abuse, the abuser’s feelings of “guilt” and his fear of reprisal, his rationalization, his shift to non-abusive and charming behavior, and his fantasies and plans for the next time he will abuse.
2) Do you see John exhibiting any of these behaviors in the short film entitled The Follower? Do you see his wife, Mary accepting any of this behavior?
3) Have you ever seen your partner exhibit any of these behaviors?
4) Can you imagine what types of actions might take place in the the first phase, called the “set up” when tension builds in the relationship. Victims report their partners becoming increasingly irritable, frustrated, and unable to cope with every-day stresses. The abuser may lash out at the victim at this time, but generally stops and becomes apologetic.
5) Do you see John exhibit any of these symptoms? A nasty look? An ugly comment?
6) Does John isolate his wife and daughter to have control? Does he control their activities?
7) Do you see any of the above mentioned traits within your own relationship? Domestic Violence begins earlier than the physical altercation. Some of the examples of behavior during the tension building stage include: a nasty look, a degrading comment, jealousy and distrust, trying to make their victim feel guilty, isolating the victim, controlling the victims money or time or social life.
8) Does it give you comfort to know that you are not alone? That many, many people have lived through the same stages, at the abuser’s individual pace?
9) If you had known this information early on – known how to recognize these first red flags – would it have enabled you to detach from the relationship earlier? If not, why do you think you stayed?
10) What makes a relationship safe? What makes a relationship unsafe?
11) Who does domestic violence impact? How did it impact Annie, the daughter?
12) What are some warning signs someone may be experiencing violence at home or in a relationship? Did you notice any warning signs in the movie?
13) What important considerations need to be addressed when safety planning for a domestic violence situation?
14) What safe options exist for those who experience domestic violence?
15) Who are safe people you can confide in if you are experiencing or witnessing domestic violence or suspect someone else may be experiencing domestic violence?
16) What are some reasons that someone may act violently toward someone they love? What other ways can someone manage these situations other than violence?
17) How do we set boundaries with our partners or family members? How do we maintain or reinforce these boundaries?
18) What strengths do you possess that can help you manage difficult interpersonal situations?